The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize