I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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