i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just high enough for therapy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
