scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize