First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
