Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
