in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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