I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
