i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
