Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
