either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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