Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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