Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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