I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
