I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Randomize
