You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
