Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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