I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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