I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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