Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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