i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
