do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
