the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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