everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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