im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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