i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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