Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
