I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
