That's intense
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
