i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
