we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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