This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
