I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
