i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
