i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
