I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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