i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
now i know why i became what i already was.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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