The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
