just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
