I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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