got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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