At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
