What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
