Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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