We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
