He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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