I just made out with a guy for $7.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
