I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
