you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
NoShamevember. You game?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
