If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
