She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
