I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
