Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
