I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
