every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
