She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
