I wish I could punch you in the face.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
