Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
