I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
