So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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