And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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